Going back to work is bittersweet.  A part of me always knew I was not cut out to stay home all day with a baby (it is really hard work - and seems to only get harder...)  The other part is screaming you have to be home with your baby and I know in my heart there is nowhere else I would rather be then at home snuggling with Mason.  

To think that I won’t see every smile, every milestone, every word, every everything from Mason breaks my heart.  My sweet little boy will be in another woman's arms for 40 hours a week.  Of course I thought of leaving my job all together and staying home – I am sure every Mother has.  But I vowed to give it a few months and try – I just can’t even imagine finding the balance and not feeling the guilt that comes with being a working mom.  It is hard not to believe that the best place for babies are with their moms.  But then again millions of moms are working and making it work – justified by the long waiting lists to get into daycare.  I can’t help but think that I won’t be able to do both well – be a mom and have a career.  Something has to sacrifice.  Something has to get less of my attention and I have already decided it has to be my career.  I will not be the mom who works late or travels extensively – that is not the reason I had children.  I have to choose – I know I can’t have both.