I can honestly say that I miss having a newborn in my life. Yes, life with a newborn equals long days, the loss of any time or structure, wearing the same sweatpants for days on end, very few of showers, and even less sleep...but oh was it amazing.
I loved being a mom to a newborn. The snuggling, falling asleep anywhere, naps at all hours, long walks, the way the top of their head smells, the tiny fingers and toes. They are the most amazing little creatures as newborns and truly cannot survive without you. You are there to completely and utterly keep them alive and nourish them into babies...it is the most selfless, rewarding, & exhausting part of being a parent, those first 3 months...when you give up all personal hygiene to make sure they are dry, fed, snuggled and happy.
My heart aches when I drive by the hospital, I ache to be giving birth to a newborn again, going through the long awaited drive to the hospital, the labor, those first few days at home...I feel a deep and embedded sorrow and sadness in knowing that that first time is over for me....those first few weeks with my first baby. I sometimes ache to be pregnant again, knowing what I know now, and awaiting the arrival of sweet, sweet, newborn.
I have somehow forgotten about the days covered in spit up, waiting for my husband to finally come home and relieve me so I could shower, the fits of crying, and the sleepless nights...there are days where I would trade all of my sleep for a year for just one week again with Mason as a newborn...
I know the next baby will be different, having two children will bring on a whole new world of challenges and the days of snuggling a newborn will turn into only minutes found throughout the day...in a way I feel like I will always be trying to recreate that first experience with our first baby, being so clueless, overly cautious, and fascinated about every little moment...I look back now and realize we seriously had no idea what we were getting into and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.